If taking ownership was easy we wouldn’t have to talk about it, fight about it, or go to court about it. If it was simple the world would be a different place for sure! The hardest part is knowing how and where to begin.
The first place to start – and the place where most of our resistance lies – is in getting gut level honest with ourselves. That means asking hard questions and admitting the real, underlying truth about what we are thinking, feeling and choosing. We cannot feel genuine if we are lying to ourselves. In fact, this incongruence I often talk about is because we are not getting things straight with us first.
One of the subtle and insidious ways we lie to ourselves is by creating excuses, such as being too busy, waiting on others or pretending we keep forgetting. Or worse getting angry at ourselves for not having it tackled yet. All of these increase shame and are dishonest. Here’s why. When we are not uncovering the real reasons we may not be “able” to do it such as fear-based sabotage and negative underlying beliefs, we are not facing the real issues. The excuses will continue.
Another area of resistance shows up by being vague. Saying things like “Yeah I need to get to that” keeps the illusion going that you are really going to “get to that” with zero commitment to when, where, how and most importantly, why. Getting specific forces us in a good way to hone in and commit. To get honest. Do we really plan to tackle it? Are we really ready emotionally, physically or financially? Try to get clear. Identify what’s in the way and start tackling the resistance first.
If you’ve been listening to the podcast, you hear me say often to just experiment and notice what happens and how you feel. Start by focusing on changing one excuse at a time – and pick a manageable one at first so you can experience all the good that comes when you actually follow through on something! Your core self needs the experiential data to prove how it’s always so much better to create congruence for yourself: making your walk match your talk. Thus making this TRUE for you. This about your integrity, which should be your compass for everything you do.
This is all about creating self-trust. Bit by bit, day by day, building self-confidence and a stronger feeling of integrity. This is so important in order to have the courage to make bigger, harder changes in your life such as leaving a toxic relationship or changing your career. You will gather data each day from yourself and others who will begin noticing how you are safer to be around. You are in your truth. You are more trustworthy, serene and hopefully happy!