So I think it’s impossible to talk about personal empowerment without talking about healthy self-esteem…as I uttered in my last blogpost! I know, I know. I so repeat myself. But there’s a reason. I think understanding healthy self-esteem vs unhealthy is still a struggle for many of us. It’s been so misrepresented in our culture. I also don’t think we have the kahunas to talk about how healthy self-confidence is formed, and what wounds it so deeply.
Again, this is because the formation of our self-concept began early in life and the outcome relied mostly upon the self-confidence of the caregivers! Low self-esteem is in bed with emotional immaturity, difficulty coping, unhealthy communication patterns etc. etc. That all adds up to SHAMING the child= even when it’s the last thing they intend to do. The boundary blurs are another deep underpinning of self-concept issues in children. If you felt, on some level, responsible for making your mom mad, well…then you felt responsible for others’ feelings, choices and behaviors. WOW. Talk about power you didn’t want or ask for. And the beginning of your boundary struggles!
Healthy self concept should be transcendent. It should not be conditional upon how loved you are today, whether you made a mistake or not, or your accomplishments. Healthy self-love should rely on you loving YOU, trusting your thoughts, feelings, needs and beliefs, and owning your choices. Of course, it helps when others approve and provide mirroring for us, but we must look to ourselves first for approval – is what we are doing in alignment with who we say we want to be? For example if you are about to avoid the truth when honesty really matters to you – there’s a problem. Even if others never found out there’s the terror of that happening in the future, AND you deep down won’t trust yourself.
As I rolled out the podcast last week and ran into all sorts of errors and outcomes I couldn’t control. I had to reconcile the natural desire for things to go my way, the normal anxiety of stepping out there, and then just letting go. Letting go and allowing all of you to decide whether the podcast is meaningful and helpful, or not. Letting go and just putting my truth out there and connecting with those I am meant to connect with. The higher purpose here wins out when I do this. I am human though- and will then have to grieve when I cannot control things 🙂
So let’s start the conversation about healthy self-confidence, knowing that with its many layers and facets, it will be a core topic that runs through the podcast, ever connected to all the other wonderful facets I can’t wait to dive into. I love to see clients heal this stuff, because the outcomes are truly transformational. I do this work because I know it works. And because if I can help one person feel better, then it’s worth it. See you there!
Take a listen here, and please share!