How to Connect with Who You Really Want to Be

The other day someone asked me why I love to do this work. Isn’t it difficult and stressful? They asked. I answered yes, of course at moments, but the payoff of watching someone truly come back to themselves is priceless. When they gather the courage to move through the griefwork, changing unhealthy behaviors and allowing the real self to emerge – is so amazing.

Often an external life crisis will bring them in such as a breakup, a divorce or another loss. However it becomes apparent that these (yes awful!) experiences are really just symptoms of a deeper issue. For years they have been disconnected with their authentic selves. The vulnerable, creative, courageous and unique self. The one who – when I would get a glimpse of it – was just an amazing soul here to do incredible things.

I’ve been talking on the podcast all the myriad ways we slowly but surely disconnect from ourselves to “survive” in unhealthy environments. There we learn defense mechanisms such as defensiveness, avoidance and passive aggressive behaviors that really get in the way of showing others our real thoughts, our real feelings, and our real imagination. That would just be way too vulnerable and thus risky. Others might reject us or abandon us. We get the clear message our real self is not ok. I’ve talked about how one learns as a child to quickly shut down the real self to take care of adults in the family who were too unhealthy for the child to be authentic. The environment did not support the child being vulnerable.

But there’s a way back. A way back to your innocent, real, raw creative self who is smart, caring, sensitive and silly. To your real dreams of what you always wanted your life to be like. To use your gifts regardless of what others think about that. There’s a way back that is not always straightforward or instant, but it’s there. It takes honesty and openness, and the willingness to do the work. Oh but the journey is wonderful!

By identifying the obstacles to being who you truly want to be, you can begin making that dream a reality. There are concrete obstacles such as time and money, and yet underneath it all it’s usually ourselves. Our fear keeps us stuck and safe, sabotaging our success so we HAVE to stay in the box. That is why I often see folks when crisis hits, because all of the sudden that becomes more profound than the fear of changing.

Take a listen and see where you might be on the path to your authentic self. See you there!