Why You Can’t Get Off the Couch. How Perfectionism is the Velcro That Keeps You There

One of the reasons we can’t get moving toward what we want is that we can’t handle the reality of possible failure, because the only way we can see anything less than the perfect outcome is that it will be devastating. It will be the worst thing ever, and that’s all our subconscious needs to say “Nope, not doing that! No way, no how.”

However, we still want those good things for ourselves, and we don’t want to look ridiculous to ourselves and others by denying we should go after those goals, so we manipulate ourselves and those around us by talking but not walking. Why? To have some crazy perception of control by having all sorts of great “reasons” why we need to hold off until tomorrow to get started.  That way we protect ourselves from the truth: that we just aren’t ready to let go and just do it.  To risk. To therefore let go of control.

But what causes us to even get here? I mean, no smart and fabulous person would want this special type of misery of letting themselves (and perhaps others who want good things for them) day after day, week after week and maybe even year after year. They come by it honestly and it, like most other unhealthy beliefs we hold, were years in the making.  We learn growing up about the Perfect and the Horrible.  That they are the only two categories in which things, behaviors, choices, and outcomes can exist.  There is no gray, no “Oh well it’s good enough”.  It also gets absorbed by listening to and modeling after caregivers, shaming teachers and older siblings.  Hearing things such as “Oh no look what you’ve done! How HORRIBLE. You should be ashamed of yourself!” Or “Why wasn’t that an A?  You know you could do better.”

So, it won’t be overnight where we get to change this either.  We work at our faulty beliefs.  We learn to exist in the “good enough” realm and choose what matters more and why.  It is then, I think, that we have a new appreciation for what can feel truly devastating later…losing our health, our relationships and our happiness because we didn’t do those things or did them too late.