Soar with MarySoar with Mary
Empowering the World...One Wonderful Human Being At a Time
  • Start Your Journey
  • Blog
  • Living Proof
  • Connect
  • About
  • FAQ
  • Events
  • Coaching Options
  • Ownit! Powercast
Why We Do We Draw Them To Us?
11 Feb 2020

Why We Do We Draw Them To Us?

Mary Baker blogpost Boundaries, childhood, choice, confidence, empowerment, good enough, Manipulation, ownitpowercast, relationships, self-confidence, Toxic People, we draw them

Why we do we draw them to us? The same type of person every time. Whether they’re manipulators, emotionally immature, addicted, irresponsible or narcissistic, there are real reasons why you may continue to be an unhealthy person magnet. It’s really not your fault. Really. But if you want to understand and become more proactive in the future, here are some thoughts.

  1. They are familiar. Similar upbringing is great in that they understand where you come from and can relate to your experiences, especially your pain. Even better, they won’t judge you, which can assuage your fear of rejection around not feeling good enough because maybe you grew up poor or in an abusive or alcoholic home. However, we forget if they didn’t do the work around this well…things will get interesting in the relationship. If we continue to pick the same sort of person, we will get the same results.
  2. On a deep level we attract what we think we deserve. Again this is about not making peace with who we truly are. Doing that grief work around our past so we don’t feel as if it defines us any longer. Also, settling for less than we need or deserve means they won’t challenge us to look at our sh*t, because they themselves may not be as emotionally mature or responsible, etc.
  3. Maybe we haven’t been exposed to different. It’s very possible that we have been so limited and isolated that we haven’t experienced healthier, more connecting and uplifting relationships.  We may have not been ready for them either…since we were not healthy enough ourselves.  Our brains acclimate and normalize crazy over time as well.
  4. We Are at a Vulnerable Time. Whoa boy, have I noticed this with many clients over the years. Even ones who have done a bunch of work on themselves and really began creating a great life. Shortly after a big loss of a loved one, a divorce or another emotional hit, someone comes along and preys on this. Because these clients weren’t feeling grounded and were feeling a bit in need of comfort and distraction, it was the prime opportunity to fall for an old pattern since their head was not on straight and their self-trust was lower than usual.
  5. Poor Boundaries. SO even if you’ve come into great awareness around your “pattern” of who you pick and why, if you cannot say NO to those people who still decide to show up! In your life, you can repeat the pattern once again. They will keep showing up until you are “done” with the belief you don’t need and deserve better. Saying NO to them politely is really the best way you can honor yourself. Ever.

These are the top five reasons I have observed over the years, and usually you will struggle with almost all of them and not just one. Over time, clients share how they will get one aspect nailed down (like identifying they attract manipulators and why) but they still struggle to trust themselves to see the red flags in the beginning and act on them. So if you still struggle, take heart. By continuing to work on your self-confidence, practice (not perfectly either) trusting your gut every day about all sorts of things, you will start attracting better and better into your life.

OwnitPowercast/033 In Order to Be In the Right Place, We Need to Belong To Ourselves First

Related Posts

Healing the Heart and Gut: The Power of Feeling It All

blogpost

Healing the Heart and Gut: The Power of Feeling It All

In the pursuit of personal growth and emotional well-being, we often hear phrases like “stay positive” or “keep your chin up.” While maintaining a positive attitude is undoubtedly valuable, it’s equally essential to acknowledge and honor our emotions—the full spectrum of them. As my mentor wisely said, “you can’t heal what isn’t real, and it […]

Breaking Free from Your Comfort Zone: The Courage to Unbox Your Life

blogpost

Breaking Free from Your Comfort Zone: The Courage to Unbox Your Life

What box, you say? Well today, we’re diving into a topic that’s near and dear to me: the symbolic “box” that defines how we live, see ourselves, and perceive the world around us. This box, though invisible, can be a stronghold that keeps us safe but also stuck. So, buckle in, and let’s uncover the […]

This Isn’t Just Caring: Recognizing Unhealthy Control

blogpost

This Isn’t Just Caring: Recognizing Unhealthy Control

In any relationship, be it with a partner, family member, friend, or colleague, mutual respect and understanding are the cornerstones of a strong and healthy connection. However, sometimes, individuals inadvertently slip into controlling behaviors that can damage the very relationships they hold dear. In this blog post, we’ll shed light on some common controlling behaviors […]

Recent Posts

  • Healing the Heart and Gut: The Power of Feeling It AllHealing the Heart and Gut: The Power of Feeling It All
    September 26, 2023
  • Breaking Free from Your Comfort Zone: The Courage to Unbox Your LifeBreaking Free from Your Comfort Zone: The Courage to Unbox Your Life
    September 19, 2023
  • This Isn’t Just Caring: Recognizing Unhealthy ControlThis Isn’t Just Caring: Recognizing Unhealthy Control
    September 12, 2023

Latest Tweets

→ Follow me

Join the Tribe

Soar with Mary
  • Start Your Journey
  • Blog
  • Living Proof
  • Connect
  • About
  • FAQ
  • Events
  • Coaching Options
  • Ownit! Powercast
© Soar with Mary 2023
Powered by WordPress • Themify WordPress Themes

About

My passion has been to help others uncover who they truly are, lay claim to their gifts and passions, and ultimately, their purpose. Because, I believe, a sense of purpose is what brings life, gets us out of bed and helps us to make sense of an otherwise stressful and overwhelming world.