Have you ever heard that said? My money is on the fact that the bearer of that message is sadly disconnected from their own needs…so they question yours. Typically, the more vulnerable the need the more awkward it can get. But I digress.
When we talk about emotional and psychological needs, we need to define that. They are called NEEDS for a reason and not wants. We NEED them to be met to feel safe, loved, empowered, sane, on purpose and alive. We NEED to honor what we need so we are not going against the self, because any time we do that we’re in trouble. We are validating what is true for us – “our truth” (which is no one’s business by the way).
Our bodies tell us when we’re tired, hungry, sore, or under the weather. Our trash can tells us it needs emptying when it starts to spill over. What’s not so obvious to many of us though, is when our emotional and psychological needs are not being met. It’s something we don’t talk about…yet we need to. We often misconstrue needs for wants and wants for needs…so I think we really need to talk about it now. Look at the headlines any given day and you can see the results of unmet social, emotional and psychological needs. Very sad. Maslow was on to something.
I can assure you that these needs are always present. They are there- sometimes way below the surface, and we will get them met somehow, some way. They are driving our bus whether we are aware of it or not, and just by recognizing them and starting to get them met is crucial to the healing process of whatever – you can actually fill in the blank: anxiety, depression, anger issues, panic attacks, overeating, substance abuse….it goes on. This month on the podcast we will be exploring all the not-so-wonderful ways we disown our needs and find crazy ways to try to get needs met.
One disclaimer here: We often need things that were never met or won’t be simply because we cannot go back and redo our life, bring people back to life, change other people, places or things. Grieving this is very important and enough for a whole ‘nother blogpost! So, the answer for us in the end is to stay in TODAY and validate what we need today, regardless of what has happened in the past. It’s now our job to take care of us!
We can not feel confident, peaceful or empowered without taking responsibility for our most vulnerable needs and getting them met in healthy ways. First we need to identify them, validate them and see if we are getting them met. Some others must provide such as encouragement, love and mirroring. Others we must meet for ourselves such as learning, discipline, setting boundaries and accomplishments.
Discerning what need gets met where can be a challenge in our mostly complicated lives, but doing so can really bring the magic on! Those who are in charge of their needs are more peaceful, loving and grounded. We gravitate toward them because they are safe…and because intuitively we know they will honor our needs too 🙂