Since today is the last day of the decade, it’s a great opportunity for you to take everything you’ve walked through this past year and sift through it, teasing out what you have learned, grieved, changed and created for yourself! You are not the same person you were when the decade started.
My loving challenge to you is to be more intentional about how you want to spend the next one. I personally believe that in order to begin anew, we need to first decide what we may want to let go of first – to make room for what we say we want in the years ahead. We know that even though we may want both it’s not possible. Dysfunction and unhealthy perspectives and behaviors do not allow us to have positive, healthy, and passionate lives.
So where to begin to let go? Though this list is not exhaustive, I think there are a few categories that can help us get focused.
- Clutter: There are three we can talk about here. The first is actual physical clutter. Don’t underestimate the impact a cluttered, crowded space can have on your well being – and how good it feels to clean it up! January is a great time to let go of what you no longer need, take care of times you have put off and honor yourself in that way. You deserve clean and serene. Next is the mental clutter. All the “nouns” maybe you have been focused on and worried about and spending time and energy on this past year. If they are nouns, they are NOT in your control. Letting go will create space to focus on what you have actual power to change. Now we’re cooking with grease 🙂
- Old Narratives: You have done so much work on yourself already – you don’t have to believe or live out the old limiting and lack-focused stories you may have been telling about you, and about your life. As we talk about on today’s podcast episode, you get to write the coming chapters. You get to choose and create what you want. It’s that so exciting?
- Old Behaviors. Like bad habits, poor choices and maybe lack of self-care. I could go on, but if you’ve been reading this blog, I bet you know by now what I mean. They are no longer working. They now get in the way of what you really want for your life. For example, being late to everything is the harried, chaotic person you used to be, and it no longer works with the new confident and self-discipline you who owns their behavior.
- Relationships Even. Yep, maybe detaching from toxicity, from those other folks you’ve simply been outgrowing, and ones that hold you back. You can still love them from a distance. But now you seek out healthier, likeminded folks.
Ok, so no, you can’t just snap your fingers and magically make yourself let it all go and wipe the slate clean. That only happens in the movies. Letting go is a process. It’s about recognizing reality and choosing and committing to better. We must be ready to be ready to do that. That in itself is a process!
Its important to do what’s called the gestalt and really tell these things you no longer need them because. I encourage clients to actually say them out loud or write a letter to the old habits, the old beliefs or behaviors. You can write or say something like the following:
I’m writing to you to let you know I will be disengaging from our relationship slowly over time in the coming year and so I am asking you to look for another place to live. I’m sorry but you held out false promises that “kicking the can” on getting things done would HELP calm my anxiety about not doing it perfectly but that’s actually caused all kinds of stress and chaos for me! It leaves me feeling like crap and I don’t want to feel like that anymore. I am working on being more mindful and disciplined and sabotage no longer works for me. You and Avoidance can pack your things. I’m sorry for using you, thinking it was to my benefit, but all I did was increase my shame and hold myself back from what I truly deserve in life. I know I’ll probably still hang out with you over the coming months, but I know as I get healthier, I will eventually not need to anymore. I wish you the best!
In other words, we have to look at just how old behaviors and choices may not have been in our best interest. Many of them were fear-based coping skills that just inhibit growth, hurt our self-esteem and keep us from living out what we were meant for. My hope for you is that 2020 brings the clarity the number symbolizes. That it brings you fresh resolve, lots and lots of self-trust and self-care, and that it ultimately brings you hope. Happy New Year!