Getting A Fresh Start: Rebuilding Confidence with a Little Boundary Work
Aaahhh a new year. Another new slate. I like the idea of beginning…again. That we can stop at any moment in our lives, do a loving assessment of where we are and how we feel, and make changes when we are ready. Moving toward possibility is so empowering and motivating, and even making small changes creates cumulative change. In order to do this, we first need to ask ourselves some important questions, with love and compassion *not shame* so that we can feel good enough to make the changes we want to make.
To begin with, what are some things that you need to get straight with yourself? Confidence increases when we raise our level of self-trust: that we will face/change/do what we say we want to. This is what boundary work looks like. What do you want to improve this year and why? Here are some things to consider if you aren’t sure where to begin.
Healthy Communication. Is your communication healthy and direct? Or passive or maybe even passive-aggressive at times? Do you have good boundaries in your communication meaning do you keep your thoughts and feelings about you and not them for the most part? Or do you find yourself making a lot of “you” statements and asking a lot of questions that give the vibe “what’s wrong with you?”
Boundaries around Organization: Tired of losing things all the time and spending precious time looking? First, take a look at the how the dominoes fall, and try to find the first one which is usually the cause. When we are dealing with something we are simply having to put out fires which are actually just the symptoms and not the virus – nor are they the real issues. For example, not being able to find your keys or that important piece of paper is merely a symptom of a deeper issue and that is lack of self-discipline. It’s the impatience that we can have in the moment to not take an extra two minutes or 60 seconds to put something back where it belongs. Even going back further, do we even have an organizational system for ourselves or is it we just unconsciously put things anywhere that is convenient at that moment? When we don’t commit to being more organized and then actually follow through on creating the habit of let’s say filing papers away where we know we can find them, then we are not honoring the reality that we probably won’t remember where we put them.
Self-Care. How is that going, by the way? Many of us feel a bit exhausted from the holidays and feel the need to regroup and refresh. That’s good, because we want to be able to get back to the good sleep, exercise, and mindfulness practices that maybe we got away from for a minute. Being flexible yet committed is the key to taking care of ourselves. So is being proactive, as all boundary work should be. In other words, not waiting until the week is over and you didn’t make time to work out. Or take a break. Assessing your level of self-care and your plan moving forward is the best way to love yourself, because we make better decisions when we are feeling better.
There might be other areas you may want to look at too, and it’s a great idea to look at the big picture and make sure we have some balance, and that one area of our life is not squeezing out the bandwidth for the others. It’s a tightrope to walk at times, but a worthwhile one we can do with just a bit of stopping, looking around, and regrouping. That’s what fresh starts are all about!