Making Peace with Your Choices – A Year End Reflection
This is the time of year where we often reflect upon the year that is ending this week, and the fresh new slate before us – or so we would like to think! We like new beginnings, fresh starts, and new chances, as we should. These mindsets can be so motivating, because they mean we can start over or start anew, regardless of what has happened this year. Redemption and hope can be a powerful combination.
In order to come into that soul-on-fire motivation, I think it is better to first try to practice accepting where we are today, and what the past year has been for us, before we can fully embrace and allow ourselves to start again. Sometimes it includes grieving bad things that have happened to us: losses, betrayals and setbacks. It can also come down to owning our choices, and what the context was so we can have some self-compassion. But I believe that even if you’ve had an awful year, the way to take your power back moving forward is to first discern what can be changed and what can’t be undone, so that you know where to put your energy. I like to put these things into three categories to keep it simple:
Choices and Circumstances We Cannot Undo. There are things that happened that we simply have no control over and could not prevent. There are also the regrets over things we said or did that we aren’t proud of, or maybe decisions we made that didn’t turn out well. These things we simply need to grieve and give ourselves a lot of compassion and context around what happened, so we can eventually let it go and just take the lessons with us. What have we learned? What still hurts the most? What are we determined to do differently next time?
Choices We are Proud of. This might take some time to gather, but even the tiniest choices you made this year mattered. Every time you focused on being healthier, set a loving boundary or practiced empathy with a loved one. Every time you said no to toxicity or tried something vulnerable and scary. These things pile up over time and change us – as well as our environments. We DO impact our loved ones with these little choices. Trust and emotional safety is built in moments over time, rather than with the grand gestures. And what about those of you who did make big, scary choices like leaving an unhealthy relationship or job? Or maybe started something brand new (at your age!) and are still acclimating to that choice. Be proud. Soak it in. Of course, you have some regrets too, but don’t let them diminish the courage you have shown.
New Choices Going Forward: So now that you have both honored what hurts and relished the successes, what’s next? Since I believe growth always points to bigger and better growth, what has been coming up for you lately what you want to work on in the coming year? What will that entail, and will you need help around it? If so, get specific about the actual steps you will take to get said help, and when you will do that. Vague statements like “I will be more assertive this year” sound good and feel great, but they do NOT move the needle. Having the courage to take the first step does.
In the end, every year is often a mixed bag of crazy things happening to us, choices we are ahem learning from, and a bubbling up of new things we want to do and try. This is life, and although deep losses and traumas may set us way back, we can always move forward, as long as we are willing to move through the process and find the diamonds in it.
