But Who Are the Safe People?  Knowing What Makes Someone Trustworthy

On the show today I talk about finding Trustworthy people to be the safe people in our life that we can depend on and open up to.  But how do you know who is worth your trust?  Well, here are a few telltale signs that they cannot be that person, at least without doing some therapeutic work.

They Manipulate You.  In so many different ways.  They gas light you with phrases such as “Oh you’re making too big of a deal of thin. It’s not that bad.” Or when you vulnerably ask for what you need or set a healthy limit…“You’re so selfish. Always demanding things. Who do you think you are?”

They Get Defensive.  When you ask for what you need or ask them to do normal things that any grownup would do. To be responsible. To address problematic behaviors.  To step up and be reliable. To face reality.

They Don’t Do Empathy. They don’t offer you any empathy when it matters.  They can’t demonstrate humility compassion grace. … like “Wow that must be so exciting for you.  Or sad. Or horrible. Or infuriating or scary. “ They can’t because they haven’t done the empathy work for themselves. They cannot give you what they don’t have.

They have Poor Boundaries. There is usually lots of chaos because of this…in their own personal life and with you, because when we struggle with boundaries, we don’t accept reality, and the consequences of our lack of planning or accepting the truth.  These folks, you guessed it, like to manipulate reality and you because we do one or the other.  We either mature and accept reality or we don’t.

They Aren’t Responsible. They don’t own their feelings. Their thoughts.  Their needs.  Their behaviors. They don’t realize that for the most part, they always have a choice in how they handle things.  They often are late, and don’t pay their bills or find reasons to be rescued.  It’s usually someone else’s fault anyway.  They often engage in wishful thinking.

So if you see any of these characteristics in those around you, it might be time to sit with your own reality of the situation, so you can adjust your expectations.