Really Owning Who You Want to Be

So maybe you’ve been listening to the podcast this month and really planning out who and how you want to be. But I can imagine this isn’t the first time, is it? For many of us, we’ve started out so many times only to hit walls…of fear, of frustration, of doubt or self-sabotage. Sometimes an actual crisis happens and get diverted and lose motivation to get back on track.

There are two kinds of obstacles in my mind: the tangible and the intangible. Real obstacles are time, money, and timing. Sometimes it’s true that those close to us cannot support us and may even make life hell if we pursue what we want. We may have also chosen a path we need to extricate ourselves from first. We have made commitments we feel we must honor. I have witnessed this so many times…where clients slowly lose who they are by making choice after choice that was never really their truth, but they felt vulnerable, less-than or plain worn out and thus were not strong enough to stand firm.

Then there’s the intangible, such as our feelings and fears. Some fears are real, like about money and timing – the impacts on our lives. Most of the problem though is our reluctance to NEGOTIATE this out with others and situations. To have the courage to work it out and work it through to make things possible. We sure can do this in an emergency can’t we? Don’t we get fabulous on the fly with logistics to make stuff happen? That’s because our brains are laser focused on what needs to happen and NOT the fear of being able to make it happen because it’s and emergency. It matters.

But we matter too, and so do our dreams. Changing matters and if we sat long enough with the idea that NOT changing can be hurting those around us and hurting ourselves. Of course, the conundrum is that if we are stuck, we also probably struggle with owning our needs and having healthier boundaries to honor those needs. We come up with some pretty convincing reasons excuses for why we need to take a step back, let go of the dream etc etc. That’s why I usually spend a lot of time on those two intertwined subjects in my work with clients, and why I will be diving into them starting next month on the podcast. Defining, owning and defending what we need is crucial to empowerment. It’s the “ladder” we begin to create so we can scale whatever walls lie in front of us!

Have a listen here and see what you think about your wall(s)…and your ladder(s).