Why It’s Hard to Own Our Choices (And How to Overcome the Challenges)

Taking ownership of our choices can be difficult, even when we know deep down that it’s the right thing to do. Why is this the case? Let’s look at some of the reasons why it can be hard to own our choices and offer some tips for overcoming these challenges.

Fear of Judgment: One of the main reasons why we struggle to own our choices is the fear of being judged by others. We worry that our choices will be seen as wrong or foolish, and that we will be criticized or rejected as a result. This fear can be particularly strong if we are making choices that go against societal norms or expectations. This is perfectionism in action, and this is why it can be torture to make a decision.

Lack of Confidence: Another reason why it can be hard to own our choices is a lack of confidence in ourselves. We may doubt our abilities to make good choices, or we may feel unsure of our values and priorities. This lack of confidence can make it difficult to trust ourselves and our decisions. This comes from disowning who we really are, usually because we’ve had past trauma or lost ourselves in relationships.

Avoidance of Responsibility: Sometimes, we avoid owning our choices because it can be uncomfortable or even painful to acknowledge the consequences of those choices. We may prefer to shift the blame onto others or external factors rather than accepting responsibility for our actions. We simply can’t handle any “incoming” criticism.  I think this is also about not being able to grieve in a healthy way. Avoidance is all about control – and griefwork is all about coming to acceptance.

Attachment to Outcomes: Speaking of control, we often tie our self-worth and happiness to the outcomes of our choices. When things don’t go as planned, it can be difficult to own our choices because we feel like we have failed or made a mistake. This attachment to outcomes can make it hard to separate ourselves from the results of our choices and focus on the process instead.

So how can we overcome these challenges and start owning our choices? Here are a few tips:

Practice Self-Compassion: Remember that making mistakes and facing challenges is a natural part of life. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, and be gentle with yourself when things don’t go as planned.

Clarify Your Values: Get clear on your values and priorities, and use them as a guide when making choices. When you make choices that align with your values, it’s easier to own those choices and feel confident in your decisions.

Take Responsibility: Accept responsibility for the consequences of your choices, both positive and negative. This can be uncomfortable at times, but it’s a necessary step in owning your choices and learning from them.

Let Go of Attachment to Outcomes: Instead of tying your self-worth to the outcomes of your choices, focus on the process and the effort you put in. Recognize that there are often factors outside of your control that influence the outcomes of your choices.

Owning our choices can be challenging, but it’s an important step in living a fulfilling and authentic life. By practicing self-compassion, clarifying our values, taking responsibility, and letting go of attachment to outcomes, we can learn to own our choices and trust ourselves more fully. If you want some support around this, I’m here to help! Just reach out and we can get started.