We all know we are supposed to use our gifts, follow our dreams and live out loud. Yet when it comes to truly putting ourselves out there, it’s such a vulnerable step that many of us simply don’t take it. Or we start out to just let it fall by the wayside when life became too___________ or whatever excuse du jour we’ve come up with. See, because unless you really believe deep down you deserve to use your gifts because shame and fear are at the core, driving your beliefs and driving your bus. On the podcast today, we talk about some antidotes to mitigate the fear and shame, and get you started on the road to authenticity.
Self-Compassion. In order to begin to feel the benefits of self-compassion, we need to practice it. Daily, and throughout the day whenever we have a moment. Changing years of ingrained, habituated thinking and believing takes time and effort. There are so many small things you can do to show yourself kindness, from deep breathing with your hand over your heart, loving and encouraging self-talk (especially in the mirror!) and allowing yourself to have downtime, fun and play. Listening to ourselves is such an important way to honor what we need.
Empathy. As we talked about on today’s episode, I mean empathy for yourself for perhaps not using your gifts. For not allowing yourself to be passionate or follow those dreams. Because if you didn’t there are good reasons. Growing up there wasn’t the support and encouragement. Trusting yourself was hard because others violated your boundaries or shamed you for putting yourself out there.
Desire Becomes Stronger than Fear. Another way to practice is to write down very firmly what you desire INSTEAD, like “I won’t allow my dreams to die” instead. Like “I want to help people with my gift” instead. We are what we repeatedly focus on is the saying. I love this, because you can use this to your advantage! Every time fear comes up focus instead on what is more important.
Owning the Consequences…of NOT using your gifts or following your Passions. Here’s where, if you had to write your eulogy ten years from now, what would it say? That you grabbed the courage to be authentic and live out what matters most, or that you hid behind your fear? That your kids also were afraid to shine? Did you use your passion to create and serve, or let it stay behind the curtain? How happy did you end up to be? As morbid as this sounds, we move toward pleasure or away from pain. If not wanting your life to end up this way…then let it move you to action.
Practicing Being in the Moment. Just being genuine more often than not throughout the day helps you to be centered in the real. In the real you. What your truth is at this very moment. It also helps you to practice “staying here” instead of running away with worry about the future or past. Or other people. This takes awhile to become comfortable with it. Keep at it. The more you allow the moment to unfold, the less control and fear is happening to keep you from being open and honest.
Get Away from Toxicity You’ve internalized. Yes, we bring it in the house. Awful, right? Whether it’s childhood abuse or neglect, manipulative siblings, colleagues or partners, detaching from the unhealthy is crucial for you to be able to be genuine and therefore vulnerable. These poor people cannot support you right now anyway. Get connected to those who can, and simply back away a bit. Get alone. Call a healthy friend. Join and online group to cheer you on. Toxicity makes us forget who we really are, because we have to disown the self to be in it.
Practicing these throughout the day can help you get back into your own body, your own heart and your own truth. And that, my friend, is where the magic begins.