When it comes to the holidays, everyone can have such a range of different emotions and experiences. Since we’re coming up on that time of year, I thought it might be helpful to talk about your self-care plan that you can put in place right now. When I talk about self-care. I consider the whole process, especially owning your reality and making healthy choices from there.
But when it comes to our families and loved ones, it can be so tricky around the holidays because there can be so many spoken and unspoken expectations, fears, and needs. Everyone’s family is somewhere on the continuum from very toxic two benign and loving, and everything in between. There also may be particular circumstances this year that could be making things even more difficult, such as loss of one parent this past year, any rift in one of the relationships. Ongoing estrangement or other issues. These can complicate an already difficult situation. Where you just want to take care of yourself by choosing what you want to do, and what you don’t feel comfortable doing. On the other end of the spectrum is feeling lost, not having family to connect with, grieving that, and finding a way to connect with some tribe or other or do something meaningful.
Self-care first involves healthy boundaries around your choices, so that you are not doing things out of fear – or rather guilt or manipulation. You are also working on healthy detachment where you allow others to have their choices as well. Self-care means a having a plan, including budgeting your time, money, and your emotional bandwidth so you can find enjoyment and meaning during the holidays, according to what matters to you, with less drama. It means self-discipline to stick to set budgets, and to be realistic about your expectations. Having positive intentions can be very helpful as well, since they help guide your mindset and your behavior, without trying to manage others or circumstances.
Good boundaries require being proactive rather than reactive, and by being more mindful now can help you have some better holiday experiences when they arrive. It also helps you feel more empowered, as you own your choices then carry them out the best you can. Because, every time you do, you’ve just honored yourself. Try not to find yourself being more loving and kind after doing that.