This week on the show we dive into what it means for a guy to have healthy confidence, and how crucial it is for their relationship with themselves and those around them. Even though there are many facets to confidence in a man, here are some that I think are absolutely necessary for good mental health.
Humility. The ability to be open to learning, to not having to know everything. To be teachable and not be insecure and thus self-absorbed. Humble men are able to listen, to learn new things and to look at self in the mirror. They can admit struggles and mistakes without defensiveness. Humility brings gratitude, the ability to ask for help (since they don’t need to know and do everything themselves) and to seek feedback and mirroring because it helps them grow.
Detachment. Healthy men practice detachment and then can let go of control of what is not theirs. This makes them less defensive. For example, if a guy is not in fear about making a mistake and how you would see him, he can admit it and even say “I can imagine you’re pretty upset with me and that makes sense.” His identity does not rely on your image of him so he can accept the foible and learn from it.
Boundaries. Yes, he has boundaries, believes they are crucial and can respect yours. He even gets the nuanced parts such as emotional and psychological boundaries, the necessity for healthy separateness in a relationship, and doesn’t rescue others from their lessons.
Emotional Honesty. He can articulate what he really thinks and feels and isn’t blaming and shaming others. Instead, he owns his choices, his needs, and his behavior. There is congruence with all of it so it makes him emotionally safe to be around.
These four qualities (I think) are necessary for a man to be and feel confident and grounded. The ability to be congruent, take personal responsibility for his choices and his feelings, and be open and teachable. This greatly reduces anxiety his own anxiety and for those who are around him. Becoming confident takes intentional work on himself and his relationships.
But oh is it worth it…