Curating New Habits to Take Your Life Back
On the podcast episode today we talk about how working on your confidence takes practice, and a big part of that is your self-talk.
It’s really all about curating positive habits to work on loving yourself more, healing old confidence wounds and holding yourself lovingly accountable. You can change, you know. You just need the commitment and the courage to become stronger than your automated behaviors. When we are thrown into a new situation, or thrown off our schedule (like a long vacation or a new job), we don’t DO the old things because they maybe won’t fit in the new scenario. We aren’t as triggered by old cues either. It takes awhile but we create new routines. New habits. You are simply replicating this idea yet on purpose! Here are some thoughts to help guide you:
Showing yourself that you can change habits. I think this is so empowering, because it’s the opposite of feeling victimized by forces you cannot control. If you feel you simply are not strong enough to stop a compulsion, you won’t have trust and faith in yourself that you can change. Since your brain loves experiential data it cannot ignore or deny, it will then begin to see the possibility of lots of other changes as well! You’ve heard me say so many times that Growth Begets Growth. Because it does. We are always evolving…wanting more and better for ourselves. We also do NOT do vacuums, therefore when you take away an old habit, a new one will need to take its place. Use all of this to your advantage.
Get a strong WHY together of what you want to do differently. Your reasons matter because they will drive the bus here, especially at weak moments when you want to cave. Write down your why, such as “I need to get healthier” where you can see it often throughout the day. Refocus on that to keep you in choice and keep you motivated.
Get honest about the secret payoff or secondary gain to the old behavior. Believe it or not, the old behavior has some crazy reward such as Staying in the Box so you don’t have to risk rejection or failure. Or keeping yourself stuck because deep down you are terrified to trust real change since it can be unknown. Try to figure out what yours are. What are the old habits keeping you from risking?
Figure out your Pavlovian triggers! What routine have you built around it? Every habit was formed at some point as a new behavior, and your brain began storing time and place, smells, sounds and emotions. These are your triggers. Get clear on what they are so you can prepare to do something different at those moments. Then look at the routine of say, grabbing the ice cream and plopping on the couch to watch your favorite show. What can you change about the routine?
Choose one habit at a time to change. The only way to not get overwhelmed, impatient or do it haphazardly is to just focus. Pick the thing that feels like “next” to change, and narrow in on it. This way you can experience how it goes, see the progress, and actually have the time and energy to put toward it. Your brain will throw lots of resistance your way – so you need all your energy here! Give it time – at least thirty days or so – to allow it to settle in and be the new normal.
Be positive or at least neutral. Don’t shame yourself for the old habit – it will only discourage you. And don’t punish yourself with the new one either! Don’t say “I can’t eat that”. Instead say “I think I want to eat something better.” Make it feel good to do. Learn as you go too…what are you realizing? Are you starting to feel proud of you? Hopeful? Does it boil down to discipline and choices? Look at the pieces you need to grow. Make this meaningful.
