Why The Past Won’t Let You Change

It’s just so frustrating.  You know you want things in your life to be better. To be different.  You want your life to finally reflect the real you.  But, every time you go to take the next big step you just can’t. You find “reasons” to wait, to put off, to change your mind.  Unfortunately your logic just isn’t logical anymore.  It makes no sense.  So why might you be secretly sabotaging yourself when you know to look out for that? Here are few things to uncover:

You Have Formed Beliefs Over Time and You’re Afraid to Change Them. We begin to believe things about life, about others and ourselves slowly over time, and often cemented by defining moments of pain or disappointment.  We form negative beliefs such as “don’t be vulnerable” to protect ourselves from further hurt, yet hinder ourselves from being open to new things if keep this wall up.

You Lack Sufficient Evidence It Can Be Different.  In law, the phrase “beyond a reasonable doubt” is used to make sure we are making sound legal decisions.  Well, your brain does the same thing. In order for it to believe something is actually real or true, it must experience evidence that is both believable and reliable.  It must see, hear and experience new facts – and lots of them – to be convinced.

Your Environment is Not Helping. Seeing ourselves differently is so vulnerable, and we usually need a ton of healthy mirroring from those around us, giving us proof that they see change is possible too.  This affirms us and helps calm our anxiety that maybe it isn’t possible. We aren’t strong enough yet to simply rely upon our own thoughts and feelings as sufficient evidence so we look outward when we are unsure.

Your Heart Needs to Grieve. On the podcast episode today, we explore a guided visualization that helps you connect back to the “past you” to tap into old fears and unresolved grief.  Unknowingly we can hold onto old beliefs that keep us stuck because we haven’t forgiven ourselves for doing or not doing something.  For letting yourself be hurt.  Without this letting go, it will be hard to convince your subconscious that is okay to move on. To have and deserve better.  This is not a cognitive process but an emotional one that might be necessary to walk through.

These are a few of the reasons we hold onto old beliefs that we cannot prove, and ones that hold us back from truly living.  We have to work hard at changing them but OH is worth it when we do. Life begins to open up for us in ways we could never have imagined.  We are more inclined to take healthy risks in life and relationships.  To see ourselves as more expansive and open to more.

May you move through whatever may be holding you back, and may you have all the “more” you deserve. Because you do.