When the Journey Gets Tricky: The Typical Obstacles on the Road to Better

So, you’ve started your journey to change your life.  You have been working hard at identifying what needs to happen, and even grabbed a coach to help you find the right path. You have a few people in your corner who are truly cheering you on, and life is now exciting and lovely adventure. It feels so good to be healing, practicing new behaviors that are looking great on you, and life feels as if it is finally opening up for you.

Then, well, crap.

Things start to go wrong, and out of the blue this grand adventure is becoming a muddy hiking path during a storm, and you’re not sure what to do.  Why is this happening?  Can’t it just go smoothly at least once for you? Well, know that this is the story for most of us when we begin making big changes in our lives.  I believe it’s because we are now setting boundaries that weren’t present before.  We are starting to honor ourselves by saying No to being mistreated, not listened to or controlled.  Our assertiveness may be shaky at first but it’s there and growing stronger.  We aren’t compliant anymore, at least in our hearts.

Well, this means we are making waves in our relationships, and not everyone will be a fan.  You may be disrupting status quo for them and creating fear and frustration as they must now make some choices for themselves.  This means push-back, conflict and/or rejection of you and what you are trying to accomplish.  More devious is the toxic relationships where there is subtle sabotage of you moving forward.  Over the years I’ve seen plenty, from spending all the money, to not being available to watch the kids so you can do your college course or meet with your counselor or coach and everything in between.  So, here are some reminders for your journey if you are on your road to better.

You Will Be Tested and Tried. It’s a fact, no matter what you believe in higher power or universe-wise.  At moments it may feel like people are coming out the woodwork to make it harder for you.  The upside? It will definitely poke the bear in you, as you more clearly see who is for you and who isn’t.  It will also fire up your motivation even more to keep going, since going back to status quo doesn’t look like a great option anymore.

You Will Be Frustrated When It Doesn’t Go Smoothly. Even though we know already, it’s easy to forget that we don’t control the process of how things play out.  When it feels more effortless and smooth, I think we have less anxiety about changing because here’s the proof it’s ok.  Conversely when there are setbacks and monkey wrenches, it can make us second-guess taking these big emotional risks.

Don’t Give in to the Inevitable Self-Doubt. Even thought all the above is a common scenario for most of us as we transform ourselves, don’t throw in the towel.  Doubting yourself if inevitable since what you’re doing is new and vulnerable.  You are taking risks, and we have no control when we do that.  Just keep reminding yourself of the truth: unhealthy is never good, not being authentic is awful, and relationships with no boundaries can become toxic.  In other words there is no good reason to stay put.  However, the rewards of continuing on your journey are profound and limitless. How’s that for motivation?

Don’t Try to Contort Yourself to Fit What They Need. You will be begged, pleaded upon, cajoled, maybe even yelled at or threatened.  You are scaring them, but that’s only because they are afraid and UNWILLING to look at their own changes that need to happen.  Remind yourself they are choosing, and it’s not about you.  They are not helpless victims. Trying to deny yourself to be what they need never ends well anyway.  You deserve to be happy, and if they cannot tolerate that – well – then that’s a whole other conversation.

So put your gear back on.  Stay connected to your healthy support that will love you through to the finish line goals you’ve set for yourself.  Allow the transitions, even if they feel like childbirth sometimes.  The hardest work can reveal the greatest of rewards especially because you earned it.