What Are You Not Owning Right Now?

I believe there is a definite correlation between how much ownership we take of every aspect of our lives, and of ourselves, and feeling confident and happy.  To do this, we need to break it down and look at specific areas to see how we are doing.  The good thing is all of this is workable a changeable, and something we can always get back to if we begin to drift a bit.

What About Your Feelings? Specially the negative ones? Like maybe your sadness your disappointment in your frustration. No way are you going to own your anger, especially if growing up anger was displayed in a very unhealthy way or no one could handle angry feelings in the home. Perhaps you learned that negative feelings are to be kept hidden or at least minimized so that you are always humble and grateful. No, I think gratitude and humility are wonderful things, but we can be and have those well at the same time feeling some very difficult feelings that are genuine and congruent with what’s going on in our life. One of the things I see the most in clients who have a lot of anxiety is the fear and sometimes the inability to identify, own, and express their anger.

How About Your Needs? Not wants. Needs –  such as for respect, to feel loved, heard, appreciated, known, accomplished, emotionally safe are but a few.  We can very easily “disown” what we need in order to be in a situation where they are not and probably won’t get met, such as with an unhealthy partner or job situation.  I think that we will either get needs met in healthy ways, such as setting boundaries and self-care, or unhealthy ways such as acting out or manifesting it physically with illness.

Let’s Not Forget Your Desires Either. The things you just wish for but are perhaps afraid it would look selfish for you to pursue it.  Such as a weekend away, to find a better job, to have more money or more fun or both. Nurturing our wants helps us to feel motivated and alive, as well as allowing us to do something other than work. When we don’t do this, we find ways to “act out” by procrastinating on work we must do, having low energy or being irritable about everything else but what the real issue is.

All of this is simply about taking ownership of what we feel, need and want, and yet it truly is more complex when you break it down.  By honoring what is true for you on the inside, you increase your self-trust and self-confidence.  You also lower your anxiety because you feel heard and validated.  There is a bit more balance and levity, and that what you need to feel ok matters.