On the podcast this week we explore the concepts of finding the life lesson or lessons in the difficulty, realizing that the lesson will repeat itself in different ways until we “learn it”, grow from it and leave it behind – leading to a better way of life. However, in order to unearth and understand the lesson beneath, and therefore where we need to do the work, we need to be ready. Even though we cannot rush the process per se, I believe we CAN take responsibility for being honest with ourselves about where we are.
We Won’t Learn the Lesson if:
- We are Focused on Them or It not Ourselves. Our thoughts – and can they get obsessive! – are on they, them or it and sometimes all three at one time. We get caught up in their thought processes, their behavior and their choices rather than stepping back and focusing on our own part. Maybe we have poor boundaries. Maybe we figured we could change them. Maybe if we just gave them money, talked to them or dragged them to therapy…
- We are Not Ready to Accept the Truth. When we are in some form of denial about what the truth is in our life…such as the toxicity of our relationships and the grief we must face when we take a look at this, we may find a million ways to say it is anything but. We focus on others. Doing the “If onlys” about them, instead of owning the fact that we ignored so many ready flags along the way. That we just aren’t ready to deal with all of that quite yet, because we know it’s going to be a mess to upheave.
- We Don’t Know How or Let Ourselves Grieve. As I have talked about many times before, if we cannot allow ourselves to feel the anger at the truth, the sadness, fear and deep loss, we will not and cannot be ready to set the boundaries and let the chips fall. Yet we know that in order for anything to get better, there needs to be boundaries and personal responsibility being taken by each party or things will not improve. This is where I see clients struggle with anxiety and depression because somewhere deep down they know this.
So, if we are in this space it will be difficult to be ready to surrender to what is. To see and work toward acceptance of the life lesson or lessons before us and be ready to do the work so we don’t have to repeat this mess. We need to be strong enough on the inside, have healthy support and accountability around us to hold it together, because it can be a difficult ride.
But if it’s time and you are ready to really commit to this, your life will change for the better, and the healthier you become along the way will only bring good things. The “lessons” that seem so hard to get down and walk through, become blessings over time as we raise the bar for the quality of life we want, need and deserve to live.