We hear so much about authenticity these days, and even if we think it’s a fad, it’s not. It’s very real, and not going anywhere. Not being our true selves and showing said self to the world is a recipe for anxiety, depression, and acting out in all sorts of unhealthy ways, because we are simply denying what’s true. What’s real. My interview with choreographer and teacher Joseph Corella today on the show explores proof of that.
To Be Authentic You Will Have to Set and More Importantly, Maintain Healthy Boundaries. There’s no way around that There’s no way around this, period. Boundaries fist, boundaries last. This means not only saying no to others around things that are not good for you or are outside of your value set but also saying no to yourself. Saying no to giving in, caving, taking the easier route, people pleasing, etc when you’re tired or feeling worn down by others’ expectations, aggressiveness or manipulation.
To Be Authentic, Know It’s a Choice. We can’t always be who we truly are while satisfying what other people say they need. We need to detach from their stuff and focus on ourselves, and on our own choices. I think it’s almost impossible to stay true to ourselves if we are enmeshed with others and what their fears are, their insecurities or other issues. Being an individual means not trying to fix others or take care of their feelings. That’s their job. Let them do it.
To Be Authentic You Will Have to Be Committed. You’ve heard me talk before about consistency and congruence and “consistent congruence”. If we’re not willing to follow through and do it on a consistent basis, then is it really true for us? Are we really serious or are we still a little ambivalent? This is crucial. We need our walk to match our talk. Not only so others will trust and believe in us, but for us to also trust ourselves. You can’t be confident if you have low self-trust.
To Be Authentic, You Need Support. It’s so easy to feel anxious when we are being vulnerably ourselves. It’s all about risk, and its often all new and a bit scary at times. That’s why we need coaches. We need cheerleaders, and we need safe people to belong and hold onto while we venture out and put ourselves out there. So, evaluate your support system and if it’s a bit lean, take the time first to build that team to be there for you along the journey. Because there will be times of doubt and disappointment, and left to ourselves we might just revert to safety.
To Be Authentic You Need To Be Brave. This will take lots of courage and conviction, so take the time now to write out and talk about your WHY, so you solidify your reasoning why you simply must do this. Conversely, talk about your consequences too if you don’t make this happen. How will you feel? What will you regret ten years from now? Here’s your shot. Fortify yourself by reminding yourself often of your cause.
Being real is actually simple in theory. We simply shed all the defenses and the fears based upon irrational beliefs about ourselves and the world. In real life, however, it can be a challenge to change your brain and take risks, since our brain’s goal is to keep us safe.
Now, you just work on the idea of feeling more ALIVE instead.