The Challenge of Sitting with Emotions: Why Some Struggle and How to Embrace the Discomfort

When it comes to our emotions, there exists a challenge that many of us grapple with – the ability to sit with our own feelings or those expressed by others. The discomfort that arises from facing raw, unfiltered emotions can be overwhelming, leading us to instinctively seek ways to escape rather than confront. This blog post explores the reasons behind this struggle and provides insights on how to foster a healthier relationship with emotions.

1. Fear of Vulnerability: One primary reason we find it challenging to sit with our own feelings or witness others express theirs is the fear of vulnerability. Opening up to emotions requires a level of transparency that can be intimidating, as it exposes our true selves. Many fear judgment, rejection, or the perceived weakness associated with vulnerability. Also, if in our past, others expressed emotions in unhealthy ways, such as yelling, being physical, shaming, guilting or being explosive and reactive, we have a lot of fear attached to the experience of others letting their feelings out.
2. Cultural and Social Conditioning: Society often dictates norms around emotional expression, shaping how individuals perceive and respond to feelings. Cultural and societal expectations may discourage the open display of certain emotions, leading to suppression or avoidance. Breaking free from these conditioned responses is essential to embracing emotions authentically.
3. Lack of Emotional Awareness: For some, the struggle stems from a lack of emotional awareness, mainly because in childhood they had to learn to disconnect from feelings, because they probably would not be labeled or honored by caregivers or siblings. The family didn’t know how to do this. Understanding and identifying one’s own feelings or recognizing emotions in others is a skill that requires practice and self-reflection. Without this awareness, we may resort to avoidance as a coping mechanism.
4. Unresolved Past Trauma: Past traumatic experiences can significantly impact the ability to sit with emotions. Just as I mentioned above, it may have been anywhere from upsetting to terrifying when emotions were expressed in the home. Unresolved trauma may create a heightened sensitivity, causing us to associate certain emotions with distress. The fear of reliving past pain can lead to avoidance strategies.
5. Societal Pressure for Positivity: Modern society often emphasizes positivity and happiness, overlooking the importance of acknowledging and processing negative emotions. People may feel pressured to maintain a facade of constant positivity, making it challenging to confront or sit with more challenging feelings.

Clients ask me often: “How do I work to change this?” and I tell them the great thing is that it IS something you can change with commitment and patience.  Here are a few things you can begin – or continue doing – to become more comfortable being present with emotions.

Cultivate Emotional Awareness: Engage in regular self-reflection to identify and understand your own emotions. Validate them by saying to yourself things like “anyone in this situation would likely be feeling ___________. Practice mindfulness techniques to stay present and attentive to your feelings.

Challenge Social Norms:  Recognize and challenge societal expectations around emotional expression. Embrace the authenticity of your emotions, regardless of societal judgments. Try to put people around you who are more comfortable with expressing themselves authentically, and where you can have a safe space where you can express and share your feelings without judgment.

Sitting with emotions, both our own and those expressed by others, is a courageous act that requires self-awareness, compassion, and a willingness to embrace vulnerability. By understanding the underlying reasons for the struggle and implementing strategies for growth, you can foster a healthier relationship with emotions and create spaces where authentic expression is welcomed and valued. Embrace the discomfort, for within it lies the potential for profound personal growth and connection with others.