Please Step Out of the Vortex. How We Can Get Caught Up in Life

We all know when it looks obvious when someone we know is obsessed with someone or something, and how annoying and uncomfortable it can become over time trying to engage with them.  They’re sucked in, and that is pretty much all they want to talk about, and all their energy and time is connected to it. Often, this comes at the expense of other relationships and self-care. If only we were more in tune with when we do it! But why do we step in it anyway?

I believe it must have to do with our reptilian brain caught in compulsion, where we clear the radar of everything but that singular focus, and we literally lose our peripheral vision.  Biologically this is so we don’t become distracted when there is actual danger out ahead.  The only peril now is the “loss” of the drug in front of you.  The drug that looks like a person you are so into, the outcome you desperately need to happen – or not happen – all perfectly if I might add. If you don’t have the drug, you might not have a self.

Sound dramatic? I’m sure.  But at the core of compulsive behavior is the fear-based “have to have it” which becomes so reflexive that we aren’t sure how to stop.  You don’t have to be an addict to have this issue.  In fact, you may simply have some form of traumas in your past that have been keeping you in your lower brain so to speak.

We know today that shifting our focus to our thinking brain and choosing what we want to do, weighing the costs and the benefits, and allowing ourselves to look at the underlying emotions and fears may help us be more thoughtful with our focus. This way we come back to ourselves, become more grounded and less anxious, and feel more in control because we are.  When you’re sucked in it’s not healthy because you’re hyper-focused out there so long that you disconnect from yourself in here.

As I talked about on the show today, there are some things you can do to keep the propensity to caught up in the swirl.  First, try not to isolate. Stay connected so you can have some accountability and exposure to healthier people who are not a part of what you’re caught up in, because it can help you get perspective. Remember our subconscious begins to believe what it experiences around it, so make sure you’re exposing yourself to lots of different viewpoints and different people who aren’t necessarily going to “back your cause”, because that way they can give you a different view and give you in some objectivity. Finally, when you do connect, you must be honest and share the entire skinny. Not just the parts you want them to hear, or to gloss it over so it looks good, and no one raises and eyebrow.  So, that means yes, telling on yourself when you couldn’t stay off Amazon, obsessing about the new job, or hyper focusing on what you partner is doing.

We can’t change until we choose, and if we choose honesty, revealing what’s really going on, we can become more mindful about staying balanced.