Can’t You Just Let it Be? Why We Want to Have Control

So why do we try to control everything? Why is it harder for some of us than others? Probably because it is just too scary to let go and trust the process, especially if the process has let us down in the past. On the podcast today, I explore how spinning in anxiety can keep us from the surrender that allows us to feel.

One of the biggest reasons it can be difficult to let go and trust is past experiences. If you had trauma any time in your life, then you know that bad things really can happen. Therefore, it’s a lot harder for you to have blind trust or blind faith, that everything will work out if you okay because you’ve experienced the opposite. These events could have happened inside or outside the home. When we are hurt and afraid, we do everything we can to protect ourselves from more hurt and loss.

The other way is growing up with grownups that you could not count on. Maybe they were emotionally immature, did not protect you, love you, take care of you, and guide you. Maybe there was lots of chaos due to their immaturity, such as financial or substance abuse. You really truly couldn’t trust that it was going to be okay. Because when you we were young, you were supposed to be able to count on grownups to protect you from bad things. To pay the bills. To put food on the table. To help you feel safe at night…and loved.

This lack of safety, whether it be from emotional, physical or sexual abuse, or just growing up in chaos where you didn’t know what would happen next – this can make it really hard to just let go and trust and believe everything will be okay. This means that you will need to make a conscious effort to stop, look at what you may be trying to control, your fear if you cannot, and then allow yourself to feel the fear, hurt or sadness.  Letting go cannot happen until we make it real.