How to Surrender in a Conversation

No, not that kind of surrender!  I just want you to think about letting go of CONTROL in your conversations so you can enjoy the meaningful moments more.  So you can truly be present for those you really care about and want them to connect with you.  This means Stop worrying about what they might think of you! This bucket of fear holds more consequences than you may realize. Whenever we are in fear we are not “here”.  But just think of the advantages of becoming more grounded and present in your conversations.

Surrendering automatically gets rid of:

People pleasing. You are no longer trying to please everyone, so now you can work on being more emotionally honest.  This is a process and takes time and is worth every moment you are real.

Avoiding conflict. When you work on gathering courage to embrace healthy conflict and learn to sit with others’ negative emotions, you grow exponentially.  And you become so much safer to be around. Ironically, you gain confidence as you face your fear of others’ anger rather than avoiding it.

Being wrong or holding a different perspective. You can now learn to become more comfortable making mistakes, assuming incorrectly or just missing the point.  And you are still a wonderful human!

Being so anxious you CAN’T be present even when you want to. Believe me you won’t miss the awful anxiety that takes hold while you feel you are in the spotlight (the moment with them), and of course the only way to shoo anxiety away is by practicing being “here” and being more emotionally present. Just imagine how many incredible poignant moments you’ve missed already…

Focusing on what you SHOULD say you should be should do next…They will come up in your head, and just use a silent choice statement such as “I want to be here now and focus on what she is saying…”

Being distracted. Try to stay “turned toward” the other person or group, and use discipline (and more choice statements) to not pick up the drug of avoidance, such as looking at your phone, looking away or fiddling needlessly. Focus in on what they are truly saying, such as what are they feeling, experiencing, and sharing?  What can I learn from them? How can I show interest and support?

Surrender to what IS what is coming up for you…

Maybe you love who they are.  You admire them. Wish you could be more like them. Maybe you feel awkward and inept – and you will at first. Just keep reframing the fear into choices, such as wanting to just let go and be.  To enjoy, to learn, to connect.

So go surrender.  Just one moment at a time.  See how it feels.